First pitch: 5:45 Central
Weather: National Weather Service somewhat still gutted, temperature perfect, 75°
Opponent’s SB site: The Good Phight (not a great name, but TwinkieTown ain’t ideal either)
Today’s starting pitcher contestants include the formidable TBD, a pitcher so intimidating, none dare speaketh or typeth his full name, only the initials. For the Twins, it’s
Deadhead Joe Ryan. Ryan is currently living in a week-by-week rental hotel with four packed suitcases and a three-day rotation of clean clothes. Not because he expects to be traded. Because he’s Jackie Daytona.
Here are the pitcher stats, I know you all love the pitcher stats:
I’m going to spend a few words talking about current MLB.com Twins beat writer Matthew Leach. Who is fine. He’s perfectly normal and fine. But he did write one recent line that bugged me.
Leach likes to mention his favorite music acts, in his columns. No doubt, he has seen all of them live, or will soon. Maybe buys a T-shirt at each concert, from an approved vendor. I would imagine so.
Anyhoo, Leach’s latest “
Twins mailbag” post had this line in it, about a concert scheduled at Target Field for next year:
“The opening act is the legendary Sleater-Kinney (don’t you dare miss them if you go).”
No. Just, no. You don’t get to love Sleater-Kinney, Mr. Leach. You just don’t.
Sleater-Kinney is a band for us, OK? The people who have never quite fit in. I imagine Matthew Leach fits in everywhere.
Here’s how I suspect Mr. Leach’s life has gone.
Had a good GPA in high school. Upper 3s. The guidance counselor suggested “journalism school,” and Matt – who’d already written three articles praising the wrestling team for the school paper – agreed. Matt didn’t get into his top choice, but he got into his second. And loved every minute of it. “Grammar for journalists” was his favorite course, although he enjoyed them all.
Matt graduated, and got a job writing press releases for the USA Network. The title
Silk Stalkings was a proud brainstorm coinage. Eventually, Matt was able to find internships, and then employment, with baseball teams! Matt so loves baseball. When it’s not taking time away from his hanging out with favorite friends. Like Matt, they are successful people, starting to think about what their retirement options should be. There’s so many different wealth-management companies to choose from!
In fact, Matt’s going to a free steakhouse dinner, next Tuesday. The free dinner is hosted by one of those wealth-management companies. Promising much better annual returns on investment than any other company.
Matt does not notice the one slightly-scruffy gentleman in the corner, snickering under his breath as the slide-show math numbers quite clearly do not add up and muttering “this presenter’s flop sweat is up there with Albert Brooks in that one scene from
Broadcast News.” Whose spouse is saying, “now there, keep it down, James.”
I resent the fact that Matt Leach likes Sleater-Kinney. I’m glad he enjoys the music, it’s great! But I don’t want it to be for normies like him. I want it to be for weirdos like us. The kind of people who would get this bit:
At any rate.
I was looking for something else, and found this:
https://jacobbielecki.substack.com/p/the-life-and-times-of-hack-wilson
It’s about Pennsylvania-born slugger Hack Wilson. Who lived hard and died rough, and had more talent than 99% of anybody who’s ever played MLB baseball — and 100% of people playing MLB baseball are better at that than 99% of us will ever be at anything. Yes, Michael Tonkin kinda sucks at being a relief pitcher. But Michael Tonkin only sucks compared to Griffin Jax, and Griffin Jax sucks compared to Mariano Rivera. Compared to how good you or I am at anything, Michael Tonkin is the guy who can juggle three bowling pins in his right hand while composing Mozart-level piano sonatas with his left hand. The most average and blah MLB player is a supreme, otherworldly talent. And wow was Hack Wilson talented.
I’m not going to just rip off Jacob Bielecki’s post and summarize it here. Go read it. But I’ll give you highlights.
“At the beginning of the 20th Century, Ellwood City, Pennsylvania, a town thirty miles northwest of Pittsburgh, was home to steel and other heavy industries. Ellwood City attracted rough and tumble types who worked long back breaking hours in the steel mills or coal mines and drank heavily once they clocked out. The city was named after
Isaac L. Ellwood, the inventor of barbed wire, a perfect name for such a harsh town.“
On a manager/player interaction: “‘McCarthy did make one attempt to curb his star player’s drinking. He invited Hack to his office and
placed one worm inside a glass of whiskey and one inside a glass of water. When the worm in the whiskey died, McCarthy asked “What does this teach you?” Hack replied, “If you drink whiskey, you won’t get worms.’”
Hack Wilson had, from 1926-1930, an OPS of 1.031. Which is off the charts! Anything above .800 is good, above .900 is perpetual All-Star, and above 1.000 is “wow are you roided.” But Hack Wilson was not roided, since A-Rod wasn’t alive yet to pass him the phone# of Dr. Feelgood. Wilson was that good on pure talent.
Talent which he drank away. And drank himself into an early grave. And he cheated on his wife (not the first MLB player or the last to do so), neglected his son (who became a school principal and refused to attend his dad’s funeral). Owned a bar, and would entertain bar patrons by singing (oh good grief would I love to have a recording of what that sounded like).
Was Hack Wilson a good person? No. Neither am I, although I don’t neglect any kids, but I might if I had some, I dunno. Was Wilson a talented person? Oh, absolutely yes. A complicated person? Most of us are. And that’s what makes us interesting.
So, to cycle back, Matt Leach. Give me something that suggests a complicated person. Don’t be giving me team fluffery that A.I. could do. Do like Jacob Bielecki and give me stories about a weird stubby-looking drunk-a** dude who mashed taters, or about Allen Roth, the Canadian who invented modern baseball statistics. (
That’s in this post. This Bielecki writer guy is really good! I’m sure you readers all know other good writers, too!)
Because, if you’re not gonna celebrate or be complicated & weird, then don’t suggest Sleater-Kinney. Stick to Nickelback or Creed.
